A letter to mothers

Was chatting with a girlfriend today. We talked about our mutual friends and acquaintances getting married and/or having babies, about how crucial it is to receive blessings from parents when getting married and so on.

The conversation eventually led on to our current single and boyfriend-less state.

Like all other anxious mothers of 20-something-year-olds, hers is getting... well, anxious.

In semi-frustrated-semi-joking mode, she said:

“Last time when we were in highschool, when we used to go out or hang out with boys – she will marah, never allowed us to go out. Now we don’t go out with guys, no boyfriend – she also marah, keep on nagging and get upset because there are no prospects.”

Funny and ironic, but it’s true. It’s real.

I consider myself pretty blessed, considering that my mom is still hanging in there. She hasn’t, admirably, lost it yet. Not yet, anyway.

But listening to my friend’s complaints, I could empathise with her. So here is an open letter I write to all mothers, on behalf of all single ladies who are also in our situation.

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Dear mothers,

We love you and understand your worry. As much as it is in our ability, we want to relieve you of your worries too. But, your worry, articulated in the form of nagging, only makes us more uneasy of our current state.

Beneath our seemingly nonchalant exterior, the ‘I don’t care's’ and the ‘I don’t need a guy’, we are concerned too. We’re just pretending not to care. Your anxiety only makes us more worried and insecure. You should know that deep down, we all want get married too.

Sometimes, this current state drives us to say things like “why do I need a guy?” and “what’s wrong with living my life alone?” It’s a self-comfort mechanism we employ to assure us of our independance and to play down our need to depend on a guy. This probably makes you more agitated and upset, but I guess it’s our way of preparing ourselves for the ‘worst’.

‘Getting a boyfriend’ is not as simple as it seems. It’s not like choosing a toy out of a toy store. It’s not a snap-and-get trick one can employ. Heck, it’s not even something we girls can initiate on our own (we could, but we’d rather be pursued than to throw ourselves at a guy). If there are no prospects, then there are no prospects.

Maybe some of us are not ready to get married. We’re just unsure of that role and the responsibilities involved. Then give us some time to think things through. Don’t rush us.

Maybe some of us have already given up on love. We’ve been through so much that we’re disillusioned by guys and relationships. Then maybe it’ll take time for our broken hearts to heal. Be patient with us. Help us nurture our hearts back to health. Speak hope.

How else can you help us? Be patient and uh, pray real hard. =)p Nagging only reminds us of what we already know. We’re sorry if we have snubbed you at times, you probably caught us at our most frustrated moments. Whenever you can, assure us. The best encouragement can only come from you. Try not to be overly kan-cheong. The pressures we feel from our aunties during CNY every year are more than we can bear. ;-)

Much love,
Your single daughter(s)